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Tuesday 30 December 2014

I will always ask....


It's rare I get the chance to write about a post that's so fresh in my mind.
I usually get disconnected from the cyber responsibility of blogging while I rest in his arms, recollecting ourselves after we've made love. Or I'm busy, doing the every day things that must be done before the opportunity to open the laptop even comes around. But tonight, I could not have rested, put my head down and gone to sleep without coming here. It's fifteen minutes past bed-time, but even Sir has probably acknowledged the rare opening for a new blog post too - and willingly gave me the free time. I needed to write for two reasons - I want the outlet to express how I feel but more importantly - somewhere to come back to, to remind myself of what I have learned.

Wednesday 3 December 2014

Q&A: "Where are you?"

Q. I've noticed you've been very quiet on the new blog even though you've explained you're now in a D/s relationship. I thought you would be posting more regularly but it hasn't been the case. Is your relationship with Daniel still a D/s one or have you guys gone back to having a more vanilla kind of relationship? I'm sure your more regular blog visitors would love to hear an update.

Sunday 26 October 2014

Being his 'babygirl'.



Sir is working a shift pattern of four consistent nights. While we still live apart (with keen interest for that to change in the near future) the long hours can feel a little draining. For him, it's a physical and emotional stretch and for me, it is an empty feeling of missing his company. The good news is, in less than a week now I'll be with him again. His arms wrapped tightly around me as we share the bed and his face, the first that  I see in the morning. Those moments - when we are both here together - are magical.

Saturday 25 October 2014

I am..... happy.

It can be difficult to get back into the swing of things when you've been out of something for so long.
I guess Blogging became much like that for me, once my submission and lifestyle choices changed so much. I went from being a blog fanatic, with a huge readership and credible online presence to being a silent partner in the cyber-world of BDSM. But then, before I had plenty to say, sometimes I had too much to say. And suddenly, all that changed because becoming a 'vanilla' person meant my thoughts and voice about the lifestyle became quieter. My mind was quieter.

Wednesday 3 September 2014

30 Days of submission: Day 13


Day 13: Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission? Why or why not? Are there limits to this?

When I submit, I want to submit completely and I want my Dominant partner to have all of me, always. I guess this means that sexual availability is usually always very present in my Dominant/submissive relationships.

Wednesday 27 August 2014

Where we are at.



The truth is, I don't know where we go from here.
All I can hope is that we're going somewhere.

Daniel left to go back home yesterday.
Living nearly 150 miles apart, separated by a bridge and a very large river was never going to be easy and we both knew that when we chose to make the commitment of love to one another.
We didn't stop our romance because of the distance or the hardships that may arise from being apart and more than this, even after we'd established our personal differences were in fact so different they would likely cause occasional rows and frustration - we continued to want a future together. I don't regret my decision to be with Daniel ever and I hope he feels the same way but just sometimes, I'm made all too aware of the issues that occur when you throw a kinkster with a vanilla and tie them into a relationship together. It was never going to be an easy ride.

Friday 15 August 2014

Breaking the rules.

When I told Daniel about Dominance and submission, what it was all about and more specifically, how I am as a submissive woman I probably portrayed an image a far distance from what he's so far, experienced.
Less than two weeks into this new adventure within our relationship and I can already see the discrepancies for myself.

You see, I told him - a submissive woman submits because she yearns to. She hands over the control out of love and respect and the Dominant man - well he takes it, for the exact same reasons.
I told him submission meant obeying, standing by the rules and guidelines set by the Dominant party and that the introduction of D/s brings a whole new dimension to any relationship. It can intensify a couple's connection, make it more powerful, stable and secure. I didn't lie. I meant every word and I still do.

Monday 11 August 2014

Update!


I'm back, after a month's break and I am back with an update, an apology and absolute promise.
I don't really have any excuses for my absence in blogging. I've been busy with the school summer break, I've been lazy and if I'm honest about it all - I suppose I've been a bit unmotivated.
It's a big jump, coming over from the old blog which accumulated a massive amount of followers and likes to starting over at a new place with a new theme.

Tuesday 15 July 2014

Infinite Love

I fell in love with you on our very first date, when my eyes defied me when I tried to look away from you for just a second at the train station.
I told myself it was because you were gorgeous - I just wanted to gaze at you, take all of you in for a moment. But as I looked into the deep pools of your eyes, I could have sworn I'd found your soul and it mated with mine; I believed I had searched for you a lifetime before that meet.

Friday 11 July 2014

No; my submission is not a selfless gift

Infact, I'm not being unselfish at all.
You see, when I submit, I do it just as much for myself as I do it for you.
Of course, I hope you exult in my submission, treasure it and protect it. I hope you find the very depth of your happiness when your eyes take in the vision of me on my knees, bared naked before you. I pray that it makes you fulfilled, satisfies you and I hope you find pride in me giving myself over to you.


All of this goes without saying.

Sunday 22 June 2014

30 Days of submission: Day 12

Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself? If no, is there a particular reason why? Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission? Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?

I try not to 'pick and choose' the areas of my submission but I am not a born slave and decided quite some time ago that I would never want to be. My submission doesn't go into the depths of financial power exchange.

30 Days of submission: Day 11


Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission? How do you define service? What does it mean to you? If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?

I can only be under the impression that every submissive and Dominant has a different idea about what 'Service Submission' actually means. For me, personally, it is about performing an act or 'service' which makes the life of my partner easier. When I am being submissive to a partner, I demand a lot - he has to carry the weight of a lot of responsibility within our relationship - I therefore, strive to return the effort he puts into our dynamic by doing things that make it easier for him to relax.

Sunday 8 June 2014

30 Days of submission: Day 10.

Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships? How do you feel about BDSM? Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?

Someone mentions BDSM to me and I'm there, like "Give me some of that!"
I'm a 'kinkster' through and through. I love power-exchange in general, completely even outside of sex - but then combining that powerful element of Dominance and submission with sex is quite incredible.  I welcome it into my bedroom any day of the week.

30 days of submission: Day 9

Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?

The answer: Yes, yes and yes.
I think for me, personally, it's the structure within a D/s relationship I need much more than the 'kink' aspect of things. Even in a vanilla relationship, I find myself desperately wanting some form of structure and find myself getting frustrated on a daily basis over the lack of it. The same applies within a D/s dynamic, where in fact, the frustration is worse when structure is low.... because I expect it.

Thursday 29 May 2014

30 Days of submission: Day 8

Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission?
Why or why not?

So now you know, that when I'm in a D/s relationship - discipline and punishment are usually part of the fixtures - in most cases , either one would not be spanking or corporal punishment.
I am a masochistic and anyone who gets involved with me knows from very early on that pain  and impact play sets my sexual senses alight. Pain gets me aroused, I get wet and incredibly turned on when I am spanked, or whipped or just generally hurt by (almost) anything. So I guess bending me over the knee and spanking me in a means to punish me - would not really work.

Monday 26 May 2014

Review:: Studded Spanking Paddle

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

30 Days of submission: Day 7

Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission?
How do you feel about it?


I've already briefly covered this in the last post (Day 6). With so many questions and with them all being quite in-depth, some of my answers might seem a little repetitive at times.
Discipline for me, personally, is more important than punishment is; although I am definitely the kind of submissive who benefits from the both. The difference between them is - Discipline is something I want.  Punishments are something I sometimes need but never really want.

Sunday 25 May 2014

30 Days of submission: Day 6

6) What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

I often get asked this question and my answer is always the same - It is simply part of my DNA.
It's a common misconception that submissives and/or Dominants are usually created from being victims of childhood trauma or negative experience. While this is sometimes the case, it's actually quite rare. I've been asked whether I've been a victim of abuse, whether I have 'Daddy' issues or a problematic past which brings me to being submissive. The answer is 'no'.
I am submissive just because that's what comes naturally to me.

Friday 16 May 2014

30 Days of submission: Day 5



5) Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you?
Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?

Monday 12 May 2014

30 Days of submission: Day 4


4) Do you switch into a dominant role at any time? If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you maintain control over? Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?

Inside of my relationships, I steer clear of being Dominant. It's never been something I've had to consciously think about not doing- it doesn't happen because I'm just simply not wired that way.

Sunday 11 May 2014

30 Days of submission: Day 3



3) How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?

I'm a firm believer that you don't ever truly 'become' something. At least not something like being a submissive or a Dominant. Of course, we might not explore or even find these parts of ourselves until much later on in life but who we are is determined on the day we are born, maybe even before then.
I tell most people that I discovered I was a submissive when I was seventeen. It's not a mistruth entirely - It was aged seventeen that I became in touch with the particles of my personality that make me a submissive being.

Saturday 10 May 2014

BDSM Safety. A MUST READ AND SEE FOR NEWBIES.




You've got two choices here. You can scroll straight down to the bottom of the page and simply watch the video. Or you can read the next few paragraphs if you want a personal insight into BDSM safety (from my point of view).
BUT if you are new to BDSM or even if you are an experienced Dominant/submissive/kinkster, please don't leave the blog today without at least watching the video - Do yourself and your current/future partners, a favour.


Friday 9 May 2014

30 Days of submission: Day 2


 
2) Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?

My regular readers will already know about my current relationship. Those who have followed me while I've blog-hopped from my old blog to here or the people I consider friends will know that although I crave to submit - I am very selective about who I choose to submit to.

Thursday 8 May 2014

30 Days of submission: Day 1


So, I've done this before but it was published on to an old blog that's no longer public, and when I went to retrieve the meme to post it here... I realised I'd completely lost my answers. Boo, hiss.
Nevermind, it simply means that I'm back to do it all over again. I'll be hot-linking the individual posts as I create them onto the "30 Days of submission" page, which you can find on the navigation bar of my Blog.
~ I remember from doing this before that this is certainly one blog challenge that needs lots of thought put into. It's a time-consuming, thought-provoking project and so I probably won't post in a straight run of thirty days but will still complete the challenge right through. If it's an easier question and time is on side, I may even do more than one in a day!


For now, on to Day One..

Monday 28 April 2014

The Breakthrough


Daniel and I have talked so much the last few months that our relationship was starting to feel a lot like a merry-go-round. We'd say the same things, have the same arguments and end with the same result. But the last time we sat either end of the phone and danced around the familiar subject of Dominance and submission - something changed. Now, I'm not sure if Daniel really got it, I'm not sure if I even twisted the hand or whether we both just exhausted the situation we'd spent the last couple of months in and got tired. I was definitely getting tired.

Wednesday 23 April 2014

Q&A: "How do I get him to punish me?"


Q. My Master and I have been together for 5 months. We are both very new in the lifestyle and it is the first time for the both of us being in a  D/s relationship with someone. Everything is really good and I love being His sub. We have certain rules in place that I have to follow and He told me at the beginning that discipline will be important to Him but He rarely punishes me.
I know I would enjoy it so much if He did and have even broken rules on purpose just to try and get Him to hurt me. I know He is a sadist but all He does is tell me off and ignore me for a while instead of physically punishing me which I hate. I was expecting punishment to be spankings and beatings not this. How do I get Him to hurt me when I'm wrong?

Tuesday 22 April 2014

A submissive desire.



I want to fall to my knees at my lovers feet; feel the rough material of his jean rub against my cheek as I rest my head on the side of his leg and whisper...."Take me."
I want him to do more than just hear my words. I want him to read my mind and fall into the deep depths of my soul; when he looks down at me and my eyes meet with his, I want him to see my devotion for him scripted across my pupils and by God...do I want him to draw every last bit of it from me.

I want to offer myself to him; give him my wrists to tie tightly enough that I can feel my pulse beat against my skin and let the restraint allow ecstasy to run through my arteries quicker than oxygen ever could. I want to feel the soft satin stroke against my wrists, so softly - in the same manner his fingers caress my skin sometimes when we make love.

Monday 21 April 2014

Sunday 20 April 2014

A hypothetical letter, from the bottom of my heart.



After an amazing four days with my partner, almost a week of good sex - with even a spoonful of Dominance thrown in, then a day of talking over our differences and incompatibility again - I'm thrown back into the scary place of contemplation I was starting to hope I'd be leaving soon.
I've been thinking. So many emotions and thoughts; so much whirling around inside my mind - too much for me to make peace with. I am torn into two halves. We've tried talking, god knows we've tried but it is pointless, effortless. He doesn't get it-  I get frustrated. We get angry, hurt and upset. And yet there's so much I need to get out of my system still. So I've taken to my Blog, my small place of serenity - Just to be somewhere I can actually be. Today, I'm writing a hypothetical letter - one to my partner, that I will  never give to him. One that he would never understand even if I did but the only way I know how to, and can let go of everything I feel...

Wednesday 9 April 2014

Q&A: Caging and Confinement

Q. Are you into Caging and Confinement?
If so, why? what about being confined appeals to you?
Is confinement a regular part of your play and what kinds of cages are you most happy to be locked inside of?



A. That's a handful of questions, so I'll answer them in order.
I am definitely 'into' caging and confinement. I'm into restraint in general and think cages and confinement equipment are a great addition and extra mile when it comes to restraint. I suppose, for me- a cage is probably the 'ultimate' restraint.

Wednesday 2 April 2014

Q&A: "Worried about my daughter"


Q. My 21 year old daughter has been in a relationship with someone for nearly 4 years. I have always liked him and we really get on. They live together and my daughter seems very happy with him. I have always thought they made a good couple. My daughter recently told me that she and her partner's relationship is different because they are Dominant and submissive. She was very open about it and told me about some of the things they do together and what makes their relationship different. I appreciate that she could tell me but all I can think now is that my daughter is in an abusive relationship with a man who controls her and makes decisions for her (even sometimes chooses her meals!). She's is submissive to him in many ways and yet seems happy to be doing this. She was brought up by my husband and me who have a 50/50 equal relationship so I don't understand why she would choose this. Should I be encouraging her to leave him?

Tuesday 1 April 2014

How this is going to work...


So, this blog is still so new.
Of course, I'm not a new blogger but this platform is still a baby project and I am a long way off achieving anything close to what my previous 'cyber spaces' have done. Any blog is a work-in-progress though - forever changing, strengthening in both content and readers and I hope you are as keen to follow me on this new venture as I am to lead it...

Wednesday 19 March 2014

The soul-searching period.

 
 
So, this post and entire Blog has come to publication after a while spent soul-searching.

Starting a relationship with Daniel was easy - maintaining it at a level where we can both be completely happy with one another, has been more difficult. It's to no fault of Daniel's and even though I've spent the last couple of weeks punishing myself and Daniel for it; I recognise now it isn't my fault either. When it comes down to it - we are just two very different people trying to make the same thing work for us.
 
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