The Breakthrough

Daniel and I have talked so much the last few months that our relationship was starting to feel a lot like a merry-go-round. We'd say the same things, have the same arguments and end with the same result. But the last time we sat either end of the phone and danced around the familiar subject of Dominance and submission - something changed. Now, I'm not sure if Daniel really got it, I'm not sure if I even twisted the hand or whether we both just exhausted the situation we'd spent the last couple of months in and got tired. I was definitely getting tired.


Whatever the reason, we've reached a place where (I'm hoping) we can be mutually content.
Of course, this didn't come until several suggestions had been made prior, including the option of including someone else into our relationship. I was surprised when Daniel made the proposition of my previous mentor filling the empty space that had been created within myself. Maybe even hurt that he mentioned it, with the knowledge Daniel has always been fond of the exclusivity of our relationship.  My heart ached in the few seconds it took him to say the words. 

Was he so against the idea of Dominating me that he would rather another man take the pleasure of my submission?

I'm confident that wasn't Daniel's train of thought and instead he was merely considering my state of happiness, but it still hurt. It felt like the final confirmation that he would never be attracted to the part of myself I so hoped he might one day be. That was until he threw the next line, the one that I still feel probably saved us. I don't remember exactly how he worded it but his ending of the suggestion went somewhat like this: "Maybe then in time, I can start taking over doing some of the things he would be doing."

That was effectively the moment that our relationship was given a proper chance.
Our conversation developed and we talked more about the aspects of BDSM and Dominance that Daniel was already deciding he liked. We talked about the last time we were together, the things he found pleasure and satisfaction in - even the more Dominant-led things we did that were not specifically sexual. We discussed the prospect of him restraining me occasionally, proposed the idea that he might take to hurting me in some ways - small ways and we briefly skipped over the ground of control. By the end of it all, we reached some place of understanding.

I can be myself with Daniel, at least as much as time and circumstance allow me to be.
There'll be no more hiding away my more submissive nature just to keep the peace; no more trying to change myself into a more vanilla version he might 'prefer'. I can just simply be myself.
In return, Daniel has agreed that he will do certain things I enjoy, need and want with the reassurance he will also find pleasure in doing them. This makes me happy. Scratch that out. It makes me complete.

So what's changed? I'm not going to pretend that a telephone call has fixed all our problems for sure, but it's definitely a step in the right direction. The talk hasn't reflected a massive difference in our relationship but then we haven't seen each other yet and I'm expecting when we do, that things will naturally feel better.
Maybe it's a high expectation, but I'll go with it. Already I can sense the start of change, in us and myself. My attraction to him is more, I feel closer to him. I trust him more. I am not half as  afraid as I was of falling for him and feeling even more for him than  I was previously allowing myself to. My sex drive and libido are coming back and they're finding their way back to me with my confidence in arm...I'm already feeling more comfortable. I don't look forward to the next time I see him but still holding those nerves in my stomach that I had before. 
There's no weight sitting on my heart, thinking about how I'll need to consciously think about and change my ways when we're together. Instead- I'm excited. Desperate to see him and hold him and treat him in the ways I've been longing to. And  I'm excited that he might give back a piece of what I'm craving from him.

I'm not envisioning whips and chains and ultimate power-exchange. I know I'm not going to be calling him 'Sir' this side of Christmas and I'm not assuming he'll take a whole lot of control anytime soon. But what I am sure of is this...he will see  me completely for who I am and he'll appreciate the ways in which being submissive alone, brings us closer.

And you know what?

 I can't think of a better, more considerate and kinder person than Daniel to submit to.


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