The Blog

If you've read the 'About me' section already, you'll now be wondering where in all this comes the 'Vanilla' part in myself.

The truth is - I am still figuring that out too.

 I've known for the best part of my adult life, the person I want to be - both inside and outside of a relationship and that the word 'vanilla' would only ever really matter to me while I picked out an ice-cream off the dessert menu.
But life works in mysterious ways and we can never quite predict what's waiting for us.

Nearly five months ago, I met someone. We become friendly and familiar with each other and while I never envisaged he would be anything more than a regular friend, he surprised me and our mutual attraction to one another meant that we inevitably became more. Our short friendship blossomed into a bit of whirl-wind romance and while I was blown away that I had met someone so similar to me on so many levels, I almost let slip the small matter I was submissive. It's not that I hid it from him - in the same way he never disguised the fact he was completely vanilla - it's just that I never found the time to think about the complications either of our personalities could cause in the future and I carried on seeing him, regardless.

Time has passed since the day we cemented our feelings by becoming a 'couple'. There have been several dates, hours spent smiling and talking until our jawlines ached and our stomach muscles hurt from laughing so much. There's been sex - hot sex, intimate sex, 'hold you closely afterward' sex, exchanged orgasms, shared showers and kissing first thing in the morning. There's been the talks of what we both want for our futures - individually and with someone. There's been 'meet-the-family-' moments, at least - he's met most of mine. But what there hasn't been is... control, dominance, servitude, pain, rough fucking, whips, chains. I don't call him 'Sir' when he brings me to my climax... I don't beg for it, heck - I don't even ask for it. There's been no rules, no boundaries, no pet names, no power exchange - nothing.

This realisation came to me and threw me into panic when one day, around a month ago from writing this - I broke down with sheer stress. Work was too much, the children had been sick with various viral infections for the best part of five weeks, my own health wasn't shining gold and I was tired, worn out, exasperated. My initial reaction without thinking was.... to retreat to my 'safe place' my 'haven' where everything else didn't matter. I wanted to, needed to - be hurt, held, comforted. I wanted, needed my wrists restrained, decisions taken from me. I needed the weight on my shoulders relieved. It was then I realised that it wasn't there anymore. There was no 'haven'. Sure, I could ring my partner. I could talk to him. God knows, he is the most patient and supportive person you could ever wish to know and I have no doubt he would listen to me moan about the stress of my day for the entire time he had spare. But I also know that would do nothing for me.

Panic found me - and when it did, it hit me hard - right in the chest and stopped me breathing properly for a moment. I recalled our dates, the times we talked about our past relationships. Things he had told me about his previous encounters before me. The same stories I'd heard from friends of their vanilla relationships - sleeping on couches, rowing and fighting, checking each others phones, suffocating one another, discussions at the pub about unsatisfying relationships and where the most exciting thing to happen in the bedroom - is the missionary position. Things I'd heard friends before talk of - while I'd sit there, shaking my head in disapproval, knowing they equated to a relationship I never wanted for myself.

But what happens when you meet the perfect person? Who is so much like you but different enough to make you excited. When you share the same love for the things you have in common, where you connect on levels you didn't think you could find with someone? When you find someone you'd happily pick to be one of your best friends within the same person you've chosen to be your lover?
But that person comes with a 'relationship type' that right now, isn't perfect for you?

I have found myself in this situation and I have a choice to make. Do I give up the person who makes me happy and fulfils me in every other way but my lifestyle choice, to find someone one day who will control and dominate me but never find and appeal to the parts of me, my current partner does? Or do I realise that the only way to be happy with this almost-perfect person I have found - is to meet him on his ground level?

I guess I've already made my choice but I know my transition through from being a completely submissive woman to the other half of a vanilla couple - isn't going to be easy. Of course, it will be amazing, it already is - but there'll be times I'll find it confusing, a little bit scary, and times where I feel just that little bit lost.


It's a complicated blog but I hope you'll find your way around the site well. For those who have followed me over from the previous blog - you'll know the drill. Much of my posts will stay the same. I'll be posting erotic fiction writes on BDSM and dominance/submission. I'll post regular 'Ask me a question' posts - where any reader can submit a question or curiosity about the lifestyle and I'll respond. Thrown in with all this though, will be the newer kind of posts - the ones that are 'strictly vanilla'. I'm sure you'll work them out as you go along...

Thanks for stopping by,

Erica.