The start of our forever

 

In just over a week's time, our whole lives are about to change as Sir and I make the move to bringing our family together for good. For over a year it's been a case of frequent visits, rushing memory building into short spaces of time and always having to say Goodbye. It's been a beautiful journey thus far, but it's been difficult too, emotional and tiring. A few months ago, Sir and I knew we had to make changes - it was becoming too hard on the heart to keep our family some two hundred mile distance apart and we all felt the strain. Amazingly, after just the second interview at a career opportunity that seemed too perfect to pass up on - we received the call that would cement our future and in just ten days from now - Sir and I will be living together, bringing up our beautiful children and building our first 'family home'.
 

Why I choose submission

Control is the centre piece of my life and it is the foundation of which keeps my feet grounded.
It is something I rely on - to make my days run smoothly and effortlessly; to instil and encourage my wealth of self-confidence and peace of mind. It is the pivotal point of which I govern my entire life around - but I do not have it, I do not own it and it is not mine...

A stronger submissive

Stood facing the blank white walls of our lounge, I wanted to cry.
All the emotions I knew I'd feel were there but much more profound than I imagined they would be. Shame, guilt, disappointment.
I could feel Sir's eyes occasionally checking over on me, watching as I stood silent - thinking about my earlier infractions. The room was quiet except for the sounds of his thinking and mine. Ten minutes is a short passage of time but wrists bound and nose so close to the plasterboard - it seemed to last beyond what felt remotely comfortable.

Physical Punishment - the first one

I'm apprehensive. I'm due a punishment and I believe Sir has chosen the one he knows will hit the hardest, both literally and emotionally.
Now I'm not naïve enough to believe I don't deserve it; infact, I'm fully aware that my behaviour of late has more than warranted a punishment to be served. This doesn't mean I want  it though.
Of course, no submissive ever desires to be punished but sometimes it's a necessity and in my case wherever there's a need for punishment - it will almost always be necessary.

I will always ask....

It's rare I get the chance to write about a post that's so fresh in my mind.
I usually get disconnected from the cyber responsibility of blogging while I rest in his arms, recollecting ourselves after we've made love. Or I'm busy, doing the every day things that must be done before the opportunity to open the laptop even comes around. But tonight, I could not have rested, put my head down and gone to sleep without coming here. It's fifteen minutes past bed-time, but even Sir has probably acknowledged the rare opening for a new blog post too - and willingly gave me the free time. I needed to write for two reasons - I want the outlet to express how I feel but more importantly - somewhere to come back to, to remind myself of what I have learned.

Q&A: "Where are you?"

Q. I've noticed you've been very quiet on the new blog even though you've explained you're now in a D/s relationship. I thought you would be posting more regularly but it hasn't been the case. Is your relationship with Daniel still a D/s one or have you guys gone back to having a more vanilla kind of relationship? I'm sure your more regular blog visitors would love to hear an update.

Being his 'babygirl'.

Sir is working a shift pattern of four consistent nights. While we still live apart (with keen interest for that to change in the near future) the long hours can feel a little draining. For him, it's a physical and emotional stretch and for me, it is an empty feeling of missing his company. The good news is, in less than a week now I'll be with him again. His arms wrapped tightly around me as we share the bed and his face, the first that  I see in the morning. Those moments - when we are both here together - are magical.

I am..... happy.

It can be difficult to get back into the swing of things when you've been out of something for so long.
I guess Blogging became much like that for me, once my submission and lifestyle choices changed so much. I went from being a blog fanatic, with a huge readership and credible online presence to being a silent partner in the cyber-world of BDSM. But then, before I had plenty to say, sometimes I had too much to say. And suddenly, all that changed because becoming a 'vanilla' person meant my thoughts and voice about the lifestyle became quieter. My mind was quieter.

30 Days of submission: Day 13

Day 13: Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission? Why or why not? Are there limits to this?

When I submit, I want to submit completely and I want my Dominant partner to have all of me, always. I guess this means that sexual availability is usually always very present in my Dominant/submissive relationships.

Where we are at.

The truth is, I don't know where we go from here.
All I can hope is that we're going somewhere.

Daniel left to go back home yesterday.
Living nearly 150 miles apart, separated by a bridge and a very large river was never going to be easy and we both knew that when we chose to make the commitment of love to one another.
We didn't stop our romance because of the distance or the hardships that may arise from being apart and more than this, even after we'd established our personal differences were in fact so different they would likely cause occasional rows and frustration - we continued to want a future together. I don't regret my decision to be with Daniel ever and I hope he feels the same way but just sometimes, I'm made all too aware of the issues that occur when you throw a kinkster with a vanilla and tie them into a relationship together. It was never going to be an easy ride.

Breaking the rules.

When I told Daniel about Dominance and submission, what it was all about and more specifically, how I am as a submissive woman I probably portrayed an image a far distance from what he's so far, experienced.
Less than two weeks into this new adventure within our relationship and I can already see the discrepancies for myself.
You see, I told him - a submissive woman submits because she yearns to. She hands over the control out of love and respect and the Dominant man - well he takes it, for the exact same reasons.
I told him submission meant obeying, standing by the rules and guidelines set by the Dominant party and that the introduction of D/s brings a whole new dimension to any relationship. It can intensify a couple's connection, make it more powerful, stable and secure. I didn't lie. I meant every word and I still do.

Update!

I'm back, after a month's break and I am back with an update, an apology and absolute promise.
I don't really have any excuses for my absence in blogging. I've been busy with the school summer break, I've been lazy and if I'm honest about it all - I suppose I've been a bit unmotivated.
It's a big jump, coming over from the old blog which accumulated a massive amount of followers and likes to starting over at a new place with a new theme.

No; my submission is not a selfless gift

Infact, I'm not being unselfish at all.
You see, when I submit, I do it just as much for myself as I do it for you.
Of course, I hope you exult in my submission, treasure it and protect it. I hope you find the very depth of your happiness when your eyes take in the vision of me on my knees, bared naked before you. I pray that it makes you fulfilled, satisfies you and I hope you find pride in me giving myself over to you.

All of this goes without saying.

30 Days of submission: Day 12

Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself? If no, is there a particular reason why? Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission? Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?

I try not to 'pick and choose' the areas of my submission but I am not a born slave and decided quite some time ago that I would never want to be. My submission doesn't go into the depths of financial power exchange.

30 Days of submission: Day 11

Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission? How do you define service? What does it mean to you? If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?

I can only be under the impression that every submissive and Dominant has a different idea about what 'Service Submission' actually means. For me, personally, it is about performing an act or 'service' which makes the life of my partner easier. When I am being submissive to a partner, I demand a lot - he has to carry the weight of a lot of responsibility within our relationship - I therefore, strive to return the effort he puts into our dynamic by doing things that make it easier for him to relax.

30 Days of submission: Day 10.

Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships? How do you feel about BDSM? Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?

Someone mentions BDSM to me and I'm there, like "Give me some of that!"
I'm a 'kinkster' through and through. I love power-exchange in general, completely even outside of sex - but then combining that powerful element of Dominance and submission with sex is quite incredible.  I welcome it into my bedroom any day of the week.

30 days of submission: Day 9

Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?

The answer: Yes, yes and yes.
I think for me, personally, it's the structure within a D/s relationship I need much more than the 'kink' aspect of things. Even in a vanilla relationship, I find myself desperately wanting some form of structure and find myself getting frustrated on a daily basis over the lack of it. The same applies within a D/s dynamic, where in fact, the frustration is worse when structure is low.... because I expect it.

30 Days of submission: Day 8

Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission?
Why or why not?

So now you know, that when I'm in a D/s relationship - discipline and punishment are usually part of the fixtures - in most cases , either one would not be spanking or corporal punishment.
I am a masochistic and anyone who gets involved with me knows from very early on that pain  and impact play sets my sexual senses alight. Pain gets me aroused, I get wet and incredibly turned on when I am spanked, or whipped or just generally hurt by (almost) anything. So I guess bending me over the knee and spanking me in a means to punish me - would not really work.

30 Days of submission: Day 7

Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission?
How do you feel about it?

I've already briefly covered this in the last post (Day 6). With so many questions and with them all being quite in-depth, some of my answers might seem a little repetitive at times.
Discipline for me, personally, is more important than punishment is; although I am definitely the kind of submissive who benefits from the both. The difference between them is - Discipline is something I want.  Punishments are something I sometimes need but never really want.

30 Days of submission: Day 6

6) What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

I often get asked this question and my answer is always the same - It is simply part of my DNA.
It's a common misconception that submissives and/or Dominants are usually created from being victims of childhood trauma or negative experience. While this is sometimes the case, it's actually quite rare. I've been asked whether I've been a victim of abuse, whether I have 'Daddy' issues or a problematic past which brings me to being submissive. The answer is 'no'.
I am submissive just because that's what comes naturally to me.