30 days of submission: Day 9

Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?

The answer: Yes, yes and yes.
I think for me, personally, it's the structure within a D/s relationship I need much more than the 'kink' aspect of things. Even in a vanilla relationship, I find myself desperately wanting some form of structure and find myself getting frustrated on a daily basis over the lack of it. The same applies within a D/s dynamic, where in fact, the frustration is worse when structure is low.... because I expect it.


I've mentioned in previous posts that I have a personality which sometimes requires reigning in. I am a calm and peaceful person by nature but I have a separate side to me, that is often a challenge. When I am not under the influence of a Dominant - I am easily bored, I lose interest in things more quickly. I want my mind to stimulated, I want to be concentrating and knowing that there's a list of rules, a certain level of structure and limits and boundaries in my life and relationship - comforts me. I have recognised that I'm not just a happier person when I'm being submissive - but I prosper and thrive. I excel - in nearly everything I do. Even outside of my relationships, that balance of D/s which remains a fundamental point of my submission and personality, means that I am a better, healthier person all-round. I become in control of my own life, through 'being' under someone else's control. I become more efficient at work. I care about my body and lifestyle much more, and therefore end up looking better, not just feeling better. I am a more focused and happier parent. Everything in my life prospers when my structure is in place, especially my relationship.

When there is nothing, when the boundaries are simply not there to be crossed... I almost stop caring.
I take less care of myself, then wind up hating my image and how I generally feel because I've let things slip. I can't remain calm and peaceful when a disagreement arises between my partner and I - I just get hurt and hurt back. It's like the respect slips away for a while. I cry more easily, I become easily irritable. I panic over things, I fret and worry and everything seems to be such a struggle. I know that I need for things to be in place and then consistent when they're put there - to feel happy.

Maybe I am too reliant on structure, who knows?


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