30 Days of submission: Day 2

 

2) Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?

My regular readers will already know about my current relationship. Those who have followed me while I've blog-hopped from my old blog to here or the people I consider friends will know that although I crave to submit - I am very selective about who I choose to submit to.

Ideally, I would submit to a partner who is affectionate, loyal, passionate and strong. I look for particular qualities when picking out a potential Dominant. Anyone I submit to must be firm and assertive but gentle and tender too. I will pick out someone who believes in the same ethics as I do, who matches me in desire for certain things... like pain, routine and structure. All these things become vital pieces of any D/s relationship for me.

At this time in my life I am crazy, (head-over-heels) for someone who is not a Dominant.
Daniel has always been a vanilla person and led fairly vanilla relationships before me. Selfishly, in the perfect world I would submit to him if I could. My feelings for him, combined with the way I naturally am - means that submitting to him, or the idea of it, is an aching desire. He also comes with so many of those qualities I talk of seeking out in a Dominant partner. I think about giving him my submission far more than I should and even though I know it won't ever really happen.
We have recently started to get our Kink on in the bedroom. It is new and exciting and we are both enjoying the pleasure of me being more submissive in the confines of our bedroom. But it is just that- sex and play. He is a natural at spanking and his hand feels incredible when it warms up my ass. He's even whipped me with his belt which felt even more incredible. But the full emotion of true power exchange lacks. It's exciting, it's arousing and sensual but it isn't an act of strengthening a D/s bond - and that's ok. At least, I think it is.

I can and have submitted to play partners or with various people during scenes. I enjoy it on a physical sense but my heart isn't in it. My mind isn't always fully engaged in casual power exchange. I am a needy submissive, and when I submit I want to do it whole-heartedly. I guess I would say I would usually choose to submit as a lifestyle choice and not strictly in the bedroom. When I give myself to someone, I want and expect their control of me, always.

At the moment, I'm obviously not submissive in my relationship outside of sex. I'm probably as equally in control as Daniel is. It's a new thing. It's a strange feeling, an odd sensation that I'm still getting used to. And of course, outside of our relationship - I am a busy, self-employed single mother.
Life offers me the scope to be a much more Dominant person right now than I may ever have been in the past.


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