Q&A: "Where are you?"

Q. I've noticed you've been very quiet on the new blog even though you've explained you're now in a D/s relationship. I thought you would be posting more regularly but it hasn't been the case. Is your relationship with Daniel still a D/s one or have you guys gone back to having a more vanilla kind of relationship? I'm sure your more regular blog visitors would love to hear an update.

I am..... happy.

It can be difficult to get back into the swing of things when you've been out of something for so long.
I guess Blogging became much like that for me, once my submission and lifestyle choices changed so much. I went from being a blog fanatic, with a huge readership and credible online presence to being a silent partner in the cyber-world of BDSM. But then, before I had plenty to say, sometimes I had too much to say. And suddenly, all that changed because becoming a 'vanilla' person meant my thoughts and voice about the lifestyle became quieter. My mind was quieter.

Where we are at.

The truth is, I don't know where we go from here.
All I can hope is that we're going somewhere.

Daniel left to go back home yesterday.
Living nearly 150 miles apart, separated by a bridge and a very large river was never going to be easy and we both knew that when we chose to make the commitment of love to one another.
We didn't stop our romance because of the distance or the hardships that may arise from being apart and more than this, even after we'd established our personal differences were in fact so different they would likely cause occasional rows and frustration - we continued to want a future together. I don't regret my decision to be with Daniel ever and I hope he feels the same way but just sometimes, I'm made all too aware of the issues that occur when you throw a kinkster with a vanilla and tie them into a relationship together. It was never going to be an easy ride.

Breaking the rules.

When I told Daniel about Dominance and submission, what it was all about and more specifically, how I am as a submissive woman I probably portrayed an image a far distance from what he's so far, experienced.
Less than two weeks into this new adventure within our relationship and I can already see the discrepancies for myself.
You see, I told him - a submissive woman submits because she yearns to. She hands over the control out of love and respect and the Dominant man - well he takes it, for the exact same reasons.
I told him submission meant obeying, standing by the rules and guidelines set by the Dominant party and that the introduction of D/s brings a whole new dimension to any relationship. It can intensify a couple's connection, make it more powerful, stable and secure. I didn't lie. I meant every word and I still do.

Update!

I'm back, after a month's break and I am back with an update, an apology and absolute promise.
I don't really have any excuses for my absence in blogging. I've been busy with the school summer break, I've been lazy and if I'm honest about it all - I suppose I've been a bit unmotivated.
It's a big jump, coming over from the old blog which accumulated a massive amount of followers and likes to starting over at a new place with a new theme.

Infinite Love

I fell in love with you on our very first date, when my eyes defied me when I tried to look away from you for just a second at the train station.
I told myself it was because you were gorgeous - I just wanted to gaze at you, take all of you in for a moment. But as I looked into the deep pools of your eyes, I could have sworn I'd found your soul and it mated with mine; I believed I had searched for you a lifetime before that meet.

No; my submission is not a selfless gift

Infact, I'm not being unselfish at all.
You see, when I submit, I do it just as much for myself as I do it for you.
Of course, I hope you exult in my submission, treasure it and protect it. I hope you find the very depth of your happiness when your eyes take in the vision of me on my knees, bared naked before you. I pray that it makes you fulfilled, satisfies you and I hope you find pride in me giving myself over to you.

All of this goes without saying.

30 Days of submission: Day 6

6) What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

I often get asked this question and my answer is always the same - It is simply part of my DNA.
It's a common misconception that submissives and/or Dominants are usually created from being victims of childhood trauma or negative experience. While this is sometimes the case, it's actually quite rare. I've been asked whether I've been a victim of abuse, whether I have 'Daddy' issues or a problematic past which brings me to being submissive. The answer is 'no'.
I am submissive just because that's what comes naturally to me.

30 Days of submission: Day 5

5) Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you?
Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?

BDSM Safety. A MUST READ AND SEE FOR NEWBIES.

You've got two choices here. You can scroll straight down to the bottom of the page and simply watch the video. Or you can read the next few paragraphs if you want a personal insight into BDSM safety (from my point of view).
BUT if you are new to BDSM or even if you are an experienced Dominant/submissive/kinkster, please don't leave the blog today without at least watching the video - Do yourself and your current/future partners, a favour.

30 Days of submission: Day 2

 

2) Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?

My regular readers will already know about my current relationship. Those who have followed me while I've blog-hopped from my old blog to here or the people I consider friends will know that although I crave to submit - I am very selective about who I choose to submit to.

30 Days of submission: Day 1

So, I've done this before but it was published on to an old blog that's no longer public, and when I went to retrieve the meme to post it here... I realised I'd completely lost my answers. Boo, hiss.
Nevermind, it simply means that I'm back to do it all over again. I'll be hot-linking the individual posts as I create them onto the "30 Days of submission" page, which you can find on the navigation bar of my Blog.
~ I remember from doing this before that this is certainly one blog challenge that needs lots of thought put into. It's a time-consuming, thought-provoking project and so I probably won't post in a straight run of thirty days but will still complete the challenge right through. If it's an easier question and time is on side, I may even do more than one in a day!

For now, on to Day One..

Q&A: 20 Questions of Kink and BDSM

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The Breakthrough

Daniel and I have talked so much the last few months that our relationship was starting to feel a lot like a merry-go-round. We'd say the same things, have the same arguments and end with the same result. But the last time we sat either end of the phone and danced around the familiar subject of Dominance and submission - something changed. Now, I'm not sure if Daniel really got it, I'm not sure if I even twisted the hand or whether we both just exhausted the situation we'd spent the last couple of months in and got tired. I was definitely getting tired.

A hypothetical letter, from the bottom of my heart.

After an amazing four days with my partner, almost a week of good sex - with even a spoonful of Dominance thrown in, then a day of talking over our differences and incompatibility again - I'm thrown back into the scary place of contemplation I was starting to hope I'd be leaving soon.
I've been thinking. So many emotions and thoughts; so much whirling around inside my mind - too much for me to make peace with. I am torn into two halves. We've tried talking, god knows we've tried but it is pointless, effortless. He doesn't get it-  I get frustrated. We get angry, hurt and upset. And yet there's so much I need to get out of my system still. So I've taken to my Blog, my small place of serenity - Just to be somewhere I can actually be. Today, I'm writing a hypothetical letter - one to my partner, that I will  never give to him. One that he would never understand even if I did but the only way I know how to, and can let go of everything I feel...

Q&A: "Worried about my daughter"

Q. My 21 year old daughter has been in a relationship with someone for nearly 4 years. I have always liked him and we really get on. They live together and my daughter seems very happy with him. I have always thought they made a good couple. My daughter recently told me that she and her partner's relationship is different because they are Dominant and submissive. She was very open about it and told me about some of the things they do together and what makes their relationship different. I appreciate that she could tell me but all I can think now is that my daughter is in an abusive relationship with a man who controls her and makes decisions for her (even sometimes chooses her meals!). She's is submissive to him in many ways and yet seems happy to be doing this. She was brought up by my husband and me who have a 50/50 equal relationship so I don't understand why she would choose this. Should I be encouraging her to leave him?

The soul-searching period.

 

 

So, this post and entire Blog has come to publication after a while spent soul-searching.

Starting a relationship with Daniel was easy - maintaining it at a level where we can both be completely happy with one another, has been more difficult. It's to no fault of Daniel's and even though I've spent the last couple of weeks punishing myself and Daniel for it; I recognise now it isn't my fault either. When it comes down to it - we are just two very different people trying to make the same thing work for us.